The hookup culture has changed the dating rules for the worst. Every time “the kids” get into something, eventually it finds its way into the adult world. When “no strings attached,” “casual” “relationships” became the norm for college students several years ago, it was contained to campuses. Now, it seems everyone has jumped on board to the hookup culture and these new non-relationships have become the norm. Is this a problem? That depends how you look at it, but in many ways it makes dating a more difficult road.
Dates Are Disposable
In hookup culture, everyone is looking for a temporary situation. They know that if things don’t work out with you, they’ll have someone else around the corner ready to start “hanging out.” Because “hanging out” is what people do now instead of going on dates. Going on dates suggests that those dates will eventually progress to a relationship, and people don’t want to do that. When dating and hookup apps provide an endless supply of new “friends” and “friends with benefits,” it becomes difficult for people who want to find love.
Holding Back Feelings
The hookup culture creates a higher number of people who refuse to express their feelings, making it seem more normal to hold back. At a certain point, no one wants to put themselves out there because it’s so easy to avoid doing so. And how are you supposed to find a mate when no one is willing to express their feelings?
Think about it this way. With traditional dating, you go out on a first date. And if it goes well, there’s a second, and then a third. At a certain point, a conversation occurs in which both parties express what they’re looking for, and decide if they want to pursue that with each other. When you’re just “hooking up” and “hanging out,” there is no incentive to put those feelings out on the table. This “hooking up” arrangement can go on indefinitely, with no need to ever define or express your emotions. Or, you know, to share that you care about the other person – and that’s the very thing that leads to intimacy and successful relationships!
Encourages People Not to Grow Up
Where’s the motivation to become a responsible adult with a partner and family when it’s so easy to find a new person to get involved with every weekend (and sometimes even during the week!). This contributes to a culture where people say “30 is the new 20,” and more and more young adults are waiting til late in their twenties to move out of their parents houses and start careers.
Part of growing up is finding a monogamous partner to spend one’s life with. This leads to other life milestones like buying a house, having children, and investing in one’s career more fully. So how are you supposed to find someone who wants to live in the world as an adult, when everything around you is encouraging men and women alike to delay the growing up process?
But There’s Hope!
The good news is, there are still people like you in the world, who would prefer to date the old fashioned way. The way where there is courtship and real, human connection. I still believe in doing things the old fashioned way, and that’s how I run Something More. By taking the time to really get to know you, I set up matches with other people who are looking for the same deep, connected relationship you’re looking for. Contact me today and I will take you out of the Austin dating scene…maybe for good!