Out with the old, in with the new, right? This time of the year we are all so excited to make a fresh start, clearing away the past to make room for the future. Professional matchmaker Julia McCurley gives us the inside track on how seven steps just might make this your best romantic year ever.
The majority of people make New Year resolutions every year and nearly all of them fail. Have you ever thought that the fault is not in the people making them, but in the kind of resolutions they create? Most resolutions are about giving something up or self- improving types of decisions to lose weight, quit smoking, go to the gym, etc. Those are all great goals and definitely ones to take care of before putting yourself out there in the singles scene.
So once you are in a healthy place both physically and emotionally, why not make a conscious decision that giving back to yourself is the best way to finally find love in 2021 What this means is to focus on making permanent changes that will help you in all aspects of your life. January is the perfect time to wipe your slate clean of last year’s love mistakes to ensure that next year really is filled with lasting love.
If you are serious about fast forwarding to the relationship of your dreams, it’s time to commit to the following seven life changes.
1. Eliminate Old Patterns
If your luck in love is going to be different next year, the first thing you need to do is get honest with yourself about the patterns that are holding you back. Think back through the last few years – what have your experienced over and over? Do you pursue while he/she withdraws? Are you forever rescuing him/her? Resolve to catch yourself making the same mistakes, then walk away, so you can create new, healthy habits in all areas of your life.
2. Date Outside Your Type
Chances are if your “type” hasn’t panned out for you by now, it’s time to discover a new type. Quirky artist not working out so well? Mr. Wall Street never emotionally available? Is Ms Seductress playing head games? Resolve to date outside your normal comfort zone. Consider opening up your expectations in regard to age, height, income, religion, job, etc. Soulmates come in unexpected packages – broaden your horizon and you are more apt to stumble upon an unexpected.
3. Guard Your Time Wisely
The best way to fast forward to The One? Stop wasting your time with people who are clearly only Mr./Ms. Right Now. As long as you give away your valuable time, attention, and emotion to the wrong partner, there will be no room to find the right relationship. Limit yourself to three months of dating and if the bond does not have more obvious potential by then, move on. Do they do what they are saying they are going to do? As Maya Angelou states, when someone shows you how they are with their behavior, believe them.
4. Change Your Routine
If you get too comfortable in doing the same routine for the rest of the days and months- and or years; it might end up to be monogamous and boring. Now is the time to explore. Take a different jogging route, try out new activities which you might like, go out to restaurants and cafes in which you haven’ been to. By doing so, you can discover and learn new things and get to meet new dates and people.
5. Stop comparing yourself to others.
When you’re single, it can be easy to look at other people’s lives and feel sorry for yourself. Make an effort not to do this. Everything looks different from the outside. Comparing what you have to what you think others have is never realistic or helpful. When that happens, remind yourself that you are an awesome, independent person who is doing their best in every moment, which is all anyone can ever really do no matter what your relationship status is.
6. Be Honest with yourself and others.
Communication is necessary in order to get what you want from yourself and from others. Take this time to learn how to be honest about what you truly want and need. If you go on a date and you’re not feeling it, tell the person exactly that instead of making excuses not to see them again or ghosting them. If the way things are going in a new relationship starts hurting you, don’t feel like you can’t say anything because you don’t want to go back to being alone. Let it out!
7. Share Your Best Self
Maybe it’s not just what you are doing that needs a makeover, but who you are and how you show up. Get real with yourself by asking: What about you isn’t as attractive as it could be? Ask your closest friend for honest feedback. Do you tend to be overly anxious or pessimistic? Are quick to pass judgment or so shy you fade into the background? Maybe it’s time to hit the gym, get some cute clothes, or try a new hairstyle? Remember you never get a second chance to make a first impression and 2021 will be a year that is very impressionable on us all.