It Takes A Match to Start a Flame

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It takes a match to start a flame, and you shouldn’t give up just because you didn’t feel an immediate love connection. Hollywood and social media paint a pretty picture of how dates and relationships start out that many of us romanticize and fall for – and we might not even consciously realize this! We start to get unrealistic expectations of how first dates or new romances should go – we want the “instant fireworks”, immediate passion, and fairytale type of love. These ideals shape our mindset on dating, especially fueled by harmful ideas perpetuated by toxic websites and influencers. It’s extra hard for Austin singles who’ve been through a lot of heartbreak and are feeling anxious.

Everyone talks about “the spark”, but we’re talking about a match – a match doesn’t just light by itself, it takes effort to create a spark because  it takes a match to start a flame, In other words, we can’t simply expect magic to create amazing connections for us in our dating life. We have to make a conscious effort. Also, sparks can be deceptive and aren’t necessarily indicative of a quality match – Some people are just really good at making a lot of people feel a spark. Maybe they’re extremely attractive. Perhaps they’re best-in-class flirts. Sometimes the presence of a spark is more an indication of how charming someone is—or how narcissistic—and less a sign of a shared connection.

For Austin singles who have been through marriage and divorce, in and out of many long term relationships, or feel like they’ve gone on endless dates, making a checklist and prepared topics can feel like an essential safety net to avoid wasting time. But our hyperfocus on being productive can cause us to miss the real factors of what makes a person unique, compelling, or even a surprisingly good match. Just because someone doesn’t check all of our boxes, doesn’t mean they don’t have something to offer that we’ve never thought of before. So, if you have a pleasant enough first date, try not to write someone off based on superficial factors – they may surprise you later and sometimes the best relationships happen when you actually give someone a chance. In fact, speaking of attraction – research has demonstrated that your attraction to others can grow over time. After all, it takes a match to start a flame,

The “mere exposure effect” is a psychological phenomenon that states the more exposed you are to something you feel neutral about, the more likely you are to have positive feelings about it. Attraction can and does grow over time, so just because you don’t feel an initial magnetic attraction with someone now, doesn’t mean you won’t in the future. Have you ever gone out with someone you thought was incredibly attractive but found that later that they had a terrible personality and outlook? The reverse can be true of someone you’re not initially attracted to. Maybe you’re not instantly smitten with their looks, but their great sense of humor makes them extra attractive to you later.

Also, when you’re very attracted to someone, you’re more likely to overlook red flags and signs that you’re incompatible with them. You might give them a pass due to their looks. Ask yourself – if they weren’t attractive, would you still even like them? This question is telling. You may also have difficulty being your authentic self in the beginning due to nerves. As busy single people anxious to find love, sometimes we write people off if they act nervous – instead, try giving them a chance to build that flame with you.

In conclusion, when you’re not feeling an initial spark with someone, this can release some of that pressure and free you up to be your authentic self. As a result, a strong foundation can form between you and your date, which can ultimately lead to a strong relationship in the future. At Something More matchmaking, we are the first step in lighting that match and helping people build a flame – all we ask for is a little effort on your part to keep it alive!

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