Austin Matchmaker

difference between flirting and being friendly

Flirting or Friendly?  I’m Confused

As an Austin Matchmaker I’ve learned that many people have no clue if someone is flirting or  friendly.  And frankly nowadays in the era of political correctness it is even harder to tell if someone is flirting or being friendly in general. My Clients tell me that trying to figure out whether a person has romantic feelings for you is one of the most frustrating things about dating.

Whether you’re on the lookout for love or just want to avoid giving the wrong impression, it’s important to be able to recognize the signs of flirting. Psychologists highlight that intention and interpretation are the key features in flirting. Based on the intention of the individual he decides either to be friendly or to flirt. The other person interprets this either as friendliness or flirting and acts accordingly.

First of all exactly what is flirting?

Flirting is a social and sexual behavior that involves the way we communicate with people we’re interested in pursuing a deeper, more intimate relationship with

In order to tell the difference, all you have to do is read the signals right, and you’ll find out that this whole flirting and dating thing can be pretty simple. But if you misunderstand the signs then you’ll find yourself banging your head against a brick wall and missing opportunities to connect with amazing people.

Confusing flirting with being friendly can get you in some hot water. For some people, flirting occurs as naturally as a friendly mode of communication. Sometimes, it is difficult to tell the difference between flirting and friendliness. The key difference lies in the intention of the person who is flirting and how the recipient interprets those actions. S

If you have a hard time how to tell the difference between flirting and just being friendly, certain signs like physical proximity and body language can help.


1. They hang on your every word.

When someone is flirting with you, they will act like you are the most fascinating person they’ve ever met.  Even if you are talking about something mundane, they will show strong interest and want to hear more regardless  just to keep the conversation going! They’ll ask questions or prompt follow-ups by saying things like, “That’s so interesting, tell me more about that!” or “What happened next??”

That is the difference between being flirty and being friendly.

2.They make direct eye contact for longer period of time

When a person holds eye contact for just a few seconds longer than what seems natural for a particular conversation, there’s a good chance that he or she is flirting with you. Extending eye contact for brief moments longer than expected can add intimacy to a casual encounter and can definitely be one of the signs of flirting.

3. They stand close to you

People typically try to get closer only to the people they are attracted to, so if someone is trying to increase their proximity to you, there’s a good chance they’re interested in being more than just friends . The closer someone leans into you, the more likely it is that they’re flirting with you.

4. They remember little details from your conversation

An easy way to tell the difference if they are flirting or being friendly is if the person retains information about you. So if you’ve been chatting for a while and they bring up something you mentioned an hour ago, they are definitely paying attention and want to hear more.

5.They make sure you know they are single

To tell the difference between flirting and being friendly, they will always make a point to mention that they aren’t tied down. Whether they just come right out and say it, or they casually mention it, they want you to know that they are single. Why? DUH, because they are interested in you. They are flirting.

6. They laugh alot

Laughter is not only a great way to lighten the mood, it’s a form of flirtatious behavior. People love to feel that what they have to say is entertaining and enjoyable. That’s why laughter is a sign of flirting.  It’s a clear sign the other person wants you to know that he or she finds you interesting and fun to be around!

7.They act psychic

If they seem to know alot of things about you that you never told them, odds are better than even they are into you.  They may have asked your mutual friends about you, creeped on your social media or linked In. They may have or even used a site like truth finder to get the skinny on you.

8.They give you brief glances

It’s not just prolonged eye contact that can give away someone’s romantic interest. According to Pamela Regan’s book “Close Relationships,” men, in particular, tend to direct many brief glances at the intended target of their flirtation. This might mean that constantly catching the eye of someone across the room might be subtle flirtation rather than pure coincidence.  This behavior will tell you the difference between flirting and being friendly according to an Austin Matchmaker.

9. They ask for your opinion

If someone’s always coming to you for advice on the smallest things like good restaurants or bars to try, they may be trying to flirt with you. Pay attention to what they say after that then you will be able to tell the difference between flirting and being friendly. If they casually say you two should go there together sometime, they may be asking you for a date.

10. They mirror you

It’s a natural human instinct to mirror the movements of the person you like. If the person is copying your body language like gesturing, speech patterns, agreeing with your opinions, wanting to eat the same thing as you, drink the same thing as you, sit the same way as you (legs cross, shoulders back, hands on the table, etc) this is definitely a way on how to tell the difference between being friendly and being flirty.

11. They tease you

Just like when we were in grade school, if somebody makes fun of you, it means they are into you. At least to some degree—if they are playfully teasing you, then this is a pretty big indicator that they are flirting with you, not just being friendly.

12. They give you subtle touches

When it comes to the playful touch, it’s perhaps the most obvious way to tell the difference between being friendly and flirting.. It’s physical and you feel it. If a woman gently taps you with her fingers, puts her hand on your arm, or gives you a little whack on the ribcage with her hand, she probably likes you.

13. They focus on common interests

Whatever it is you have in common, a guy who likes you is going to use that as leverage in any conversation you have. This shared interest is our “in” to getting to know you better. So while a conversation may be initiated over your mutual love of Game of Thrones, things will get far more personal if he uses your shared interest wisely.

14. They compliment you

This is an obvious one, especially if he compliments your appearance. He may say you’re beautiful, gorgeous, lovely, sexy, etc. Guys don’t give out compliments freely. They give them to those they find attractive. If a guy compliments you, he’s flirting with you.

15. They say your name a lot

Using someone’s name in conversation is a way to make them feel closer to you. If you keep hearing your name when you’re having a conversation with someone, he’s probably interested and trying to create a bond. That is a big difference between being friendly versus being flirty.

16. They act extra nice

He offers to go to the bar to get you another drink just as you’re finishing one. He makes sure you get into a uber alright at the end of the night. He steers you away from that slightly drunk guy at the bar who’s hitting on every woman in sight. It’s not unusual for a man to be nice but if he’s going out of his way just to do things for you, he’s sending out flirty vibes.

17. They avoid interruptions

 If this guy or girl you’re talking to receives a call, do they excuse themselves for a while, or do they try to end the phone call immediately? Or if this person you’re talking to walks into a friend, do they try to end the conversation quickly?

Ultimately in the end, the most definite way to find out if someone is being friendly or flirting with you, is to just ask. This may be scary for some of you because you don’t want to get rejected, but sometimes it’s better to know and have a hurt ego, then to have never known.

If you are looking for love, an Austin Matchmaker can help you reach your relationship goals in a less confusing and more direct manner.

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