First dates create so much anticipation and pressure. What if it goes really well and this person turns out to be “the one”? Or what if it goes really badly and they turn out to be a total nightmare? But really, fret not, because what you probably should be anticipating is that neither of these scenarios plays out, because honestly, most first dates fall somewhere in the middle.
If you never go on second dates, then it’s time to turn that around ASAP and start going on them. If you go on more second dates, whether that means initiating them yourself and seeing what happens or accepting second date invites, then you’re upping your chances of a real love connection since you’re saying to the universe, “Okay, I’m ready, bring it on.”
1. You’ll be more open-minded
The thing is that you’re absolutely not perfect (sorry to say it but hey, you already knew that) and so you can’t expect anyone else to be, either. Flaws and quirks are what make people interesting, and that’s a much healthier and more positive attitude to adopt when you’re dating. Instead of nitpicking and finding reasons not to see someone again, focus on what’s good about them and focus on getting a second date if that’s in the cards for both of you. If you can go on more second dates and make the effort, you’ll stop picking people apart and you’ll start actually seeing them for who they are and respecting it and maybe even liking it. And once that happens, who knows what is next for you?
2. You’ll feel less anxious
The first time you meet someone it can feel more like an audition to a future relationship because you talk about yourself so the other person gets a good picture of who you are. But second dates open doors for the person to learn more about who you really are.
Without the tension and the nervous, insecure energy, you’re free to actually put your best self forward.
3. You are more present
On first dates, your mind is literally everywhere else. You are so up in your own head that you don’t take a minute to just appreciate the moment(s) you are sharing with this person. So how can you ever say you gave it a fair shot. The second date is your first chance to show your date who you really are — without all those distractions.
4. You can have more serious conversations
First dates can sometimes feel a bit like job interviews. With the biographical Q&A out of the way, on the second date there’s more airtime to joke around and dig deep into the conversation. You might discover that you like them even more than you thought or (worse case scenario) it will become clear that you’re not a good match. Either way, the second date will usually tell you what you need to know.
5. The chemistry is building
On a second date, you’ll be in better position to gauge the levels of chemistry. If you feel excited, giddy and maybe even a little bit anxious about when you will hear from them again or when your next date or contact will be, this is a sign you truly might like them. After a second date you might feel like you have a bigger picture of the person and also as potential partner, and so if you do like them you might also at this stage feel like you want to be more tactile such as hand-holding, lip-locking stage which is completely normal and natural.
6. You Feel more confident
The thing is that when you go on a second date, even if it doesn’t end up in a super happily ever after type of place, you feel pretty good about yourself. Actually, you feel great. For just a second, it makes you feel like your dating life isn’t so terrible after all and like it’s even possible to meet someone in this crazy dating world and in this day and age. You feel like you’ve done something right and like you’re like all those other people in the world who end up going on first dates, then second dates, and then enter a new relationship.
Sometimes love can be a slow burn and it’s better to have given each person the best chance to determine compatibility then to let potential partners pass you by due to the impatience that can grow from modern world of dating.
Want to know tips on how to get that second date? Read my article on “How to get off the first date hamster wheel! “
Julia McCurley is a Professional Matchmaker , Relationship Coach and CEO of Something More, Austin’s premier Matchmaking service. After a successful career in the IT staffing business, she decided to take her headhunting skills and transfer them to be a headhunter for the heart. She has been creating happy couples in Austin since 2009 and has helped hundreds of singles on their journey to finding love. Julia has been featured in many media outlets such as ABC, NBC, CBS , and Fox TV affiliates, Bustle, and the Huffington Post. She also just published her first book, Game Set Match: A Professional Matchmaker’s Advice on How to Win At the Game Of Love.