Are Holidays Stressing You Out? How To Cope

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As an Austin Matchmaker, I hear lots of stories about holidays stressing you out in relationships whether you are single or married. As I write this article, Thanksgiving is next week; Christmas about six weeks away. Many of us are planning menus, looking for sales and, looking forward to time with family.

Or are we? As the saying goes “you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family.”  Whether you live far away or live in the same town as family, the holidays is the most important time of year to put your troubles aside.    While you’re not alone in this issue, playing nice during the holidays – a time of joy, happiness, and getting along – isn’t necessarily the easiest.

Expectations are elevated during the holidays because of family rituals and assumptions about “how the holidays are supposed to be.”

• “Holidays are supposed to be joyous and happy.”
• “Holidays are times when families come together.”
• “If you don’t have family, then there’s no reason to celebrate.”
• “There’s no place like home for the holidays.”
• “The bigger the gift and/or the more we spend, the better.”
• “Everything has to be perfect.”

People want to belong and feel connected during the holidays. This desire can be so strong that we overextend ourselves emotionally, physically and financially. Examples of this include the following:

• Spending money to travel to be with family/loved one(s) with limited finances
• Buying gifts one cannot afford
• Attending social/family functions because we “have to” or “should”
• Preparing an elaborate, “perfect” meal or celebration

Stop Attempting Perfection

Attempting to have “perfect” holidays is absolutely futile.  If you’re feeling pressured to recreate the picture-perfect holiday experiences portrayed in jewelry commercials, Hallmark cards and Lifetime movies.  Set a course for somewhere “between Hallmark and heartache. In other words, don’t strive for perfection (you won’t achieve it), and recognize and deal head-on with some of the stressors of the season.

Coping with Holiday Stress

When holiday stress is at its peak, it’s hard to stop and regroup. Try to prevent holiday stress and depression in the first place, especially if the holidays have taken an emotional toll on you in the past. Tips to prevent holiday stress and depression:

1. Acknowledge your feelings.

If someone close to you has recently died or you can’t be with loved ones, realize that it’s normal to feel sadness and grief. It’s OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can’t force yourself to be happy just because it’s the holiday season.

2. Reach out.

Join a community, religious or other social events when you get lonely. Other people in your situation can offer support and companionship. Volunteering your time to help others also is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships.

3. Be realistic.

The holidays don’t have to be perfect or just like last year. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones. For example, if your adult children can’t come to your house, find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails or videos to cut down on holiday stress.

4. Set aside differences.

Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don’t live up to all of your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they’re feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression, too.

5. Stick to a budget.

Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don’t try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts. Try these alternatives:

• Donate to a charity in someone’s name.
• Give homemade gifts.
• Start a family gift exchange.

6. Plan ahead.

Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities. Plan your menus and then make your shopping list. That’ll help prevent last-minute scrambling to buy forgotten ingredients. And make sure to line up help for party prep and cleanup.

7. Learn to say no.

Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can’t participate in every project or activity. If it’s not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time.

8. Don’t abandon healthy habits.

Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt. Try these suggestions:

• Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so that you don’t go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks.
• Get plenty of sleep.
• Incorporate regular physical activity into each day.

9. Take a breather.

Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm.

Some options may include:

• Taking a walk at night and stargazing.
• Listening to soothing music.
• Getting a massage.
• Reading a book.

10. Seek professional help if you need it.

Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.

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