“Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future – Oscar Wilde.”
Everyone has heard the expression he/she has too much baggage as a reason to break up with someone. Well, I’ve got baggage on my mind right now. One reason is because this year for spring break we are having a staycation which means I won’t have to worry about having too much baggage. Most people are excited to pack up and go but I just got back from an international trip and as much fun as the trip was, unpacking and doing laundry for a week is a bear.
Of course the main reason I think about too much baggage is because in my line of work at Something More Matchmaking, I here many stories of too much baggage that can make or break relationships. You don’t have to be single to wonder whether or not you are ready for a great relationship. In fact, millions of people who aren’t really ready find themselves in the middle of relationships with too much baggage.
The type of baggage I am talking about are things like dealing with angry exes, financial problems, career transitions, infidelity, anger management, religious or political differences, OCD, ADD, bi-polar, differences in parenting styles, geographic challenges, secretive, the list goes on and on. From my experience most of the situations listed above are too much baggage.
The aftermath of a breakup is often painful, and the scars from an emotionally impoverished childhood can take years to overcome, but human nature is amazing in its adaptability.
Old sayings such as “the condition upon which you enter a relationship is often the way you exit”, and “fools rush in…” etc. often come back to haunt us. But yet people stay in relationships that have those dynamics and remain frustrated all in the name of love. The question then becomes is love enough to overcome those challenges? In my past relationships I have dealt with angry exes and infidelity. In some cases we got through it and in others it was the demise of the relationship.
One of the most effective strategies for dealing with baggage I have used with clients is to simply make a pro/con list. When you write things down, as in journaling, it can provide much-needed clarity. The pro’s might be things like the person is a good provider, reliable, truthful, fun to be around, good sex.. The con’s could be they have a hot temper, workaholic, obsessed with working out and so on. If the con list is way longer than the pro list then it’s time to do some serious soul searching. It is critical to take into consideration that one or two cons can far out way a long list of pro’s for example if the person is physically or mentally abusive. Without question, you should immediately sever ties with that individual.
We’ve all made mistakes and most of us have a skeleton (or two or three) lurking in our lives. Everyone may have too much baggage, but as we get older and wiser, we improve and grow as hopefully, over time we learn from our mistakes. For some it might take a little longer to demolish those demons, while others manage as best they can. I believe that we can make peace with our past and let those secrets die a natural death. We can banish our baggage and leave it behind, or re-pack the luggage and move on. If you can’t, then you’re not ready for a relationship. If someone can’t – or won’t – then move on to someone who can. Something More Matchmaking can help you find the love of your life,