As a Professional Matchmaker I often hear from single women wondering why they can’t get a second date. They use words like “What’s wrong with me?” “Why don’t men ask me out again?” They use statements like “I’m pretty; I’m intelligent and have a good job. A guy should be happy to get a second date with me!”
This type of language is a cry for help and usually comes from a woman who is indeed beautiful and intelligent. On the surface she appears to be the total package. Yet there is something about her that turns men off after only one date. So what does she do? She turns to her girlfriends for support. Her friends reassure her and tell her the guy was just a fool and that he’s missing out.
As a professional matchmaker, I’ve heard many stories of why men choose to opt out of a second date. I’m here to tell you the truth.
Here is some of what the guys had to say was a turn off and the reasons why.
When you’re first dating someone, meaning 1 or 2 dates, hold back a bit on your enthusiasm. Guys like to know you’re interested but if you’re too forward or come on too strong, you come across as needy and desperate.
No guy wants to be with a woman who looks like she is a grumpy pants. Guys like to be with a woman who is fun and happy. Sporting a big smile shows you are happy and positive about your life and future.
We all drop an occasional F-bomb now and then and that’s fine. What’s not fine, however, is when more than half of your sentences are peppered with swear words. Men are attracted to ladies — not construction workers in nice shoes.
You don’t have to be super woman out saving the world but you do need to be able to participate in any conversation.
Keep the topics generic and interesting. Your date doesn’t want to hear about a great shoe sale or the trouble you had deciding on the color of nail polish for your pedicure.
Before you jump into the conversation or start one, make sure you have something interesting to contribute.
Keeping up on current affairs or recent news worthy articles will show him you are interested in the world at large not just within your 5 foot radius.
Taking charge right out of the gate can be perceived as aggressive, controlling and potentially argumentative. If your personality is inclined this way, this can scare a guy away. Try being more of a lady and less of a man in charge. Remember, you’re not applying for a job, this is a date and your guy will be looking to take care of you.
6. CALLING HIM PET NAMES:
There is a time and place for pet names, it’s once you have established your relationship. In the first or second date use his name and not your variation of it. Calling him pet names on a first or second date implies too much familiarity too soon. It is also emasculating and embarrassing.
This is a biggie. There is a big difference between having an opinion and being opinionated and judgemental. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but when you judge others, most times your judgement is incorrect. When your personality is judgemental you come across as insecure and of projecting that you feel like you’re better than everyone else. All negative character traits.
A bad attitude is never attractive. You’re on a date and your objective is to show him your very best qualities. No one wants to spend time with negative Nelly or Debbie downer. Would you? If you’ve had a bad day, get your head in the right space before your date starts.
Guys like a girl who will call and text but when you’re on the first or second date you should hold back on the communication. Once the date has been set and confirmed there is no need to call or text him unless something comes up or you’re running late. Texting or calling too often gives a clear signal you are needy and insecure.
If you have to call and text often, even before you’re in a relationship, he will be thinking what’s it going to be like once we’re a couple.
This isn’t referring to only sex. Remember: we all desire things we cannot attain. If you reveal everything about you at once, what else does he have to look forward to? Men want to discover you piece by piece as the relationship progresses. To keep things interesting and to build desire, don’t give away all your secrets on the first date. Build some anticipation and thrill of the chase, you will leave him always wanting more.