Let’s face, everyone lands in the friend zone at one time or another. It’s a bad place to be and difficult to get out of. The thing to do is avoid getting there in the first place. You might be surprised to hear that there are simple ways to get out of the friend zone.
Before we get into how to get out of the friend zone, let’s talk a bit about how guys end up there and how a matchmaker can help. “Friend zone” is short hand for a lack of sexual interest. This often happens because guys skip past what we call the “banter” stage — a stage of playful flirtation — into the “rapport” stage, a more intimate form of communication.
In the banter stage, your communication is playful, light, joking and flirtatious. You should have the attitude of a young boy or a playful puppy. Banter shouldn’t be taken too seriously. It’s just two people kidding around with each other. As a Matchmaker, I often coach my clients on how to do this.
The rapport stage is where things get more personal. This is where you start talking about where she grew up, what she does for a living and if she likes the bar. The problem with starting here is that it’s a more emotional, less playful form of communication. Thus, you come off more as a trusted friend than a potential sexual partner.
So you know how you landed in the friend zone. Now here is a Matchmaker’s advice on how you can get out.
1. Be willing to walk away.
This is the big one. After you’ve spent a bit of time talking to her, walk away. Do something else. Go get a drink, hang out with your friends, talk to people, get high fives, whatever. The point is to show that you don’t need her to have a good night. If a girl isn’t showing much interest, don’t be afraid to walk away entirely.
2.Show her that you have sexual interest from other women.
If you’re talking to a woman at a bar, don’t be afraid to flirt with other women. Just because you’re talking doesn’t mean you’re dating — it doesn’t even mean you’re going to ask for a number. On the same token, don’t be afraid to mention it if you’re dating other women.
3.Don’t always be available.
Being there whenever she needs you is a sure way to end up in the friend zone. You shouldn’t drop everything for someone. You have your own life to live and you should make no apologies for doing so. We advise guys to take twice as long to respond to a text as it took her to respond to yours. That’s just one simple way that you can show her you’re not always available for her.
4. Build sexual tension:
All of the above will build sexual tension. Another way to build sexual tension is through playful touching. I always tell guys that they’ll be amazed how fast simple things like touching a woman on the shoulder will escalate things.
5. Don’t be afraid to show interest.
If you’re on a date with a woman, she’s already interested. It’s up to you to escalate the situation. Don’t be afraid to express your sexual interest in her
After reading this, you’re probably surprised at how easy it is to get out of the friend zone is. You might even be a little skeptical that you can do it. You can. Guys land in the friend zone because of a very specific set of behaviors. They get out of it with another set of behaviors. I guarantee that if you follow my advice, you’re going to get friend zoned a lot less.
Julia McCurley is founder and CEO of Austin’s premier matchmaking service Something More. After a successful career in the IT staffing business she decided to take her headhunting skills and transfer them to be a headhunter for love. She has been creating happy couples in Austin since 2009.