There are many factors involved in the dating process, over some of which we have no control. Chemistry is the strongest and most subconscious element that will determine if there is to be a date number two, three, four, and so on. However, there are several dating mistakes many single individuals make when it comes to their expectations in the dating arena. I have noted several key blunders daters frequently create below, which is keeping many of them in the “Single” category:
Impatience – Expecting instant fireworks the moment after leaving the first date. Even the strongest potential chemistry can be eclipsed by impatience. It is proven that chemistry, especially for women, can develop over a period of time, usually between the third or even fifth date. Personality, charm, morals, character, interests all lead to long term potential. Men, we know by now that you are visual, but the same rule applies.
Revealing too much too soon – Yes, we all have baggage, whether it ex-wifes, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, bosses, weight issues, etc. Nothing kills mystery faster than releasing a tell-all account of everything under the sun of your thespian life. Mystery is elemental in cultivating an attraction that will last for the months to come. If you have the “I am who I am, so take me or leave me” mentality, then you will remain single – guaranteed. Your date doesn’t owe you his emotional support and steadfast dedication, particularly upon first meeting you.
Unrealistic expectations – Dating mistakes include Setting the bar too high. In the end, it should only matter that you are with a decent person who loves, respects and cherishes you, and will be your best friend. Expect even that physical chemistry to fade after a couple years together. What is left from that should be the determining factor in being with the person.
Not minding your manners – It’s pretty basic, people. Gentlemen, open the door for the lady and allow her to walk in first, pay for the dinner and, please, do not forget her valet. Ladies, be appreciative and say “Thank you” for the date, for him picking you up, whatever. Don’t talk all about yourself too much, engage in the other person, ask questions and know your turn will come. To all daters: table manners are key, as are personal hygiene.
Allowing a photo to determine “chemistry” – This statement in and of itself is ludicrous and close-minded, since chemistry is defined as “the interaction of one personality with another”. With that said, you can not establish chemistry by looking at a photograph. As a matchmaker for several years, it is my personal belief that most of my clients look much better in person, especially the men. Seeing them at different angles with their various facial expressions and cute idiosyncrasies in a natural relaxed setting rather than awkwardly slapping on a fake smile and cheesy pose for a photograph is the only determinant for chemistry.
Keep in mind there is always someone out there who is richer/prettier/more marketable than you – If this sounds harsh, it is just a reminder to keep your ego in check. If you think you are God’s gift to the single world, yet you are still single, maybe some introspection is in order. If you have this attitude coupled with the notion that you deserve the best of the best and no one is good enough for you, then they will get the hint that they’re not good enough, and leave you standing in their dust. There are plenty of people out there without a never-ending checklist of their “perfect mate” who are easier to get along with. They look 10 times better than someone with a bar set to boundless heights. Dating is about respect, reality, and most importantly, humility.